People with disordered personalities will constantly throw in your face that you are NOT as advertised (a good human being).
The level of perfectionism that they demand of you is unattainable. There are no grey areas. Only two levels on their scales: YOU ARE TRASH or YOU ARE PERFECTION. “Good Enough” appears nowhere in their standards.
This is because they feel entitled to perfection. Why? People with personality disorders expect everyone they meet to hold up a mirror that reflects back the qualities they think they inhabit. It’s not about you. You are behind the mirror. Your sole job is to hold that mirror and make sure it reflects a picture of all of the qualities they believe they possess. Perfection is only one of these qualities, and boy, do they feel entitled to it.
Not only will you be judged as not good enough, you will be punished for not being as advertised. Punished in a way that sends a clear message that you are worthless. Anyone not measuring up, will eventually be discarded. However, they will play the victim when this happens, and make it sound like you abandoned them.
The Effect of Abuse on the Target
If you are their target, you may feel hopelessness and despair, because nothing you do ever measures up to the entitled standard of perfection that they have set up.
If you have been a target of this abuse for long, you have inculcated the demand for perfection deep inside your soul. Your abuser no longer needs to badger you for perfection. You are badgering yourself by now. It’s really hurtful, unrealistic, and toxic.
If we love ourselves and others, we accept them for what they are—broken, flawed, works-in-progress. On the flip side, people with disorder personalities see others as just commodities to be used, whose value is based on their utility to them.
KNOW THIS: they feel entitled to perfection.
HOW THEY TRY TO GET IT: they will badger you, and break down your identity and your soul.
You may be spinning out of control trying to meet their demands for perfection.
Don’t do it. Stop now! There is a game afoot. One that you were never intended to win. It is a forgone conclusion that you will never meet the false standard that they have erected.
Use your energy to improve your situation. Here’s how:
- FIRST: use it to educate yourself on what is at the bottom of their behavior.
- SECOND: use it to plan your escape from unending hell.
If you want to sample what Hell looks like, commune with someone who is a nihilist, and try to survive with your soul intact. Dr Jordan Peterson talks about our need to create a heaven to look forward to on this earth, and to recognize the hell we must avoid. This is the hell we must avoid. Isn’t it interesting that the nehilistic demi gods of this world would assume to know who deserves hell, and make sure to send them there?
Truth Bomb: Good People
- Good people don’t play games.
- Good people see grey areas.
- Good people don’t feel entitled to perfection.
- Good people allow others to make mistakes, learn from them and grow.
- Good people will approach you with grace if they feel offended and with the goal of restoration of the relationship.
- Good people don’t trash/ghost/ignore people.
- Good people incorporate forgiveness into their relationships.
- Good people look out for your best interests and don’t demand that you contort yourself for them.
What Our Creator Says About You
Our Creator pronounced His creation as good. He saw all that he had made, and it was very good (Genesis 1:31)
John Schneider wrote, “This creation that God majestically called forth into being is good. It is good in its individual parts, and it is good as a whole, as an integrated system. In fact, in this integrative cosmic sense, the text informs us that God declared it to be very good.”
You are His creation. You may not always live up to His vision of good, but you bear His image of goodness.
We are worthy because of His image. We need no other stamp of approval.
Isn’t it interesting, that in complete opposition, to the evil perpetrated by people with disordered personalities, God reverses this by being the mirror. He reflects His goodness on to us. Not based on our perfection, but solely on His.
For anyone who has experienced the devastation of narcissistic abuse, and the demand for entitled perfection, the generosity of our Creator is stunning. To be able to lay down the burden of holding the mirror is almost an unbearable relief. To be able to relax, and feel the warmth of His consistent approval, is almost beyond comprehension for the abuse victim. But it is real. And it is His gift to you.
Have you been a victim of entitled perfection? Where are you in your journey to lay down the mirror?
